From Chaos to Calm: How to Think Differently About Dementia Care - Guest Post with Lizette Cloete

This month we’re excited to hear from Lizette Cloete, founder of Think Different Dementia. Lizette is an occupational therapist, dementia coach, and podcast host. She has a big heart and is passionate about serving family caregivers of those living with dementia.

When faced with the often-unpredictable journey of dementia caregiving, the one shift that makes all the difference is in how you think about it. Instead of succumbing to overwhelming stress and confusion, what if you could transform those challenges into hope through proactive planning, a supportive community, and a renewed mindset? Today, I’m excited to share my personal journey into dementia care and offer insights drawn from real conversations with recent caregivers. The voices of others, just like you, echo the struggles and triumphs of this challenging path. In this interview-style blog, I’ll answer a series of questions that not only tell my story but also expand on the heartfelt experiences of my long-term clients, Pam and Angela.

Introduce yourself and your journey into dementia care.
My name is Lizette Cloete. I’m a “recovering” occupational therapist originally from South Africa, and my husband and I immigrated to the United States in 1993. I began my career working in skilled nursing facilities, where I quickly recognized that cognitive impairment—not just physical limitations—was the crucial factor keeping many people from returning home and living independently. This insight was my wake-up call. I realized I didn’t know enough about cognitive loss to truly help my patients thrive. That realization sparked in me a journey of learning, growing, and ultimately becoming a specialist holding multiple certifications in dementia care.

I always had a significant affinity for people living with dementia and their families, which led me to establish my business, “Think Different” Dementia in 2020. The name came to me, and serves as my constant reminder, that changing our approach to caregiving—by thinking differently—is the fastest way to make dementia care more manageable and even hopeful. When people join our community, I often hear them express the frustration of having lost years because they delayed planning for the future. This sentiment reinforces my mission: to reframe the caregiving journey from devastating to doable.

How would you describe your personal caregiving journey?
For many years, I never fully recognized that I was not only a professional caregiver but also a family caregiver. My caregiving journey began when I was 19—after my mom suffered a massive aneurysm. Although she recovered remarkably well, it took decades for me to understand the full scope of caregiving within our family. I always saw myself as an occupational therapist, and I did not recognize on the day my mom had her aneurysm, we became a caregiving family. Because she recovered well enough to be independent, drive and run their household, it never occurred to me that we were family caregivers. 

It wasn’t until my dad became seriously ill during the COVID pandemic that my role as a full-time family caregiver became undeniable. My husband and I had to step up and navigate the complexities of caring for my parents from a distance. We learned that caregiving isn’t confined to hospital corridors or clinical settings—it’s a deeply personal journey that evolves over time.

In my serving family caregivers, I’ve often heard people say things like, “I never realized how much I was in this until it hit me hard.” That reflection resonates with me, as I too had a slow awakening to the responsibilities of caring for my own parents. My clients often describe feeling overwhelmed by the weight of their caregiving roles. 

However, the lessons we learn during this time of slow loss of a loved one, cannot be erased, and become a part of the fabric of our lives. Being a caregiver profoundly changes your life for the better if you plan for it. When you learn how to harness your strengths and not go “against the grain” the whole journey, you will emerge from your caregiving journey with your own health and relationships intact.

  
What is one of the hardest things in caring for your parents?
This is a question that tugs at the heart of every adult child who is a caregiver. One of the hardest aspects for me has been making timely decisions and setting clear boundaries with my parents and our extended family about how my husband and I, the primary caregivers, will provide care. In a caregiving journey that touches every facet of your life, establishing what we were—and were not—willing to do became essential, right from the start.

For example, my husband and I made a difficult decision early on: while I could care for my mom at home, living with my dad was not an option. This wasn’t a decision made lightly. It was born out of a need to protect our marriage and honor our responsibilities as children while recognizing that caregiving must fit within the boundaries set by God’s plan for our marriage. We are commanded to honor our parents, yet our marital covenant remains more important.

This required us to engage in proactive planning—specifically, Medicaid planning. My parents emigrated from South Africa, and we wanted to protect their assets so that, when the time came, they wouldn’t have to sell everything just to secure the care they needed. We started our Medicaid planning five years ago, ensuring that when their five-year look-back period ends (which happens this year), we have financial options in place to help them. I call this planning approach our “imperfect, perfect plan.” It’s a plan that isn’t flawless but is flexible enough to adapt to every “if this happens, then that” scenario. This is similar to how the SEALs train, with a mindset of having contingencies for each possible scenario, and preparing for each contingency.

I vividly recall one caregiver in our community describing the feeling of being stressed and overwhelmed because they hadn’t set plans in motion soon enough. In one conversation, a caregiver mentioned how the stress of waiting—of letting things simmer into what I call “the boiled frog” stage of caregiving—left them feeling unsupported and on the edge of burnout. In contrast, proactive planning, as painful as it may be at first, is the lifeline that saves time, effort and preserves your sanity.

What are you passionate about, and how did your caregiving experience change your outlook on life?
It might sound unusual, but I’m incredibly passionate about chickens. Yes, chickens! Amidst the heavy responsibilities of caregiving, they remind me that even in the midst of chaos, there is joy, order, and a rhythm to life. But all jokes aside, my personal caregiving experience has deepened my passion for supporting family caregivers—especially those who navigate this journey from a Christian perspective.

My faith in Jesus Christ fundamentally shapes my approach to caregiving. I believe that God, a God of order and creation, has provided us with patterns to follow. Dementia, often seen as confusing and overwhelming by many, does not have to be that way. Instead, when we follow a structured, proactive, and faith-based approach, dementia care becomes “doable.” This perspective is not just countercultural—it’s revolutionary.

In our community, I’ve seen firsthand how a shift in caregivers' mindset can be the difference between constant stress and a sense of calm. I encourage caregivers to move away from the negative cycle of venting—what I sometimes refer to as “verbal vomit”—and instead focus on constructive problem-solving. One caregiver recently shared how, after joining our support sessions, she began to see real, practical solutions rather than just airing her frustrations. That change in perspective restored her peace and renewed her hope. It’s this type of reformation in care that I’m deeply passionate about.

What resources or support do you wish you had earlier on during your caregiving experience that you now recommend to family caregivers?
Looking back on the family side of caregiving now as an occupational therapist, there is a glaring gap in the caregiving space—a lack of deep, meaningful, and solution-driven community support. Most of my caregiver community tell me that they always sought a safe, judgment-free zone where they could express their challenges but also receive actionable advice, actual solutions to their daily problems, helping them with family conflict and providing emotional support. Today, that’s exactly what I’ve created with the “Think Different” Dementia Group Coaching Community.

I facilitate a small, curated high touch dementia caregiver support community where we engage in practical support sessions twice a week. In these sessions, we go beyond creating mere “chatter” in our heads. Those thoughts we all have, chatter such as “I can’t do this” or “It's too difficult” and “Dementia is so confusing and is going to ruin my life”. In this community, we dive into practical problem-solving, sharing real-life strategies, and we plan ahead for the days ahead. 

Monthly, I do a free “Ask the Dementia Coach,” live question and answer session that has become a lifeline for many caregivers internationally, that is one way that I give back to the caregiver community at large. During a recent call, a caregiver expressed that this live interaction was her “biggest help during her time of need”—an honest sentiment that reminds me why this caregiver community matters.

I urge caregivers to be selective about any support groups they join. Many free Facebook groups are rife with negativity—a sort of “verbal vomit” of complaints without constructive solutions. In contrast, our group program is built on a foundation of respect and mutual support. It’s a space where every caregiver is empowered to take control of their journey, learn, and grow, even in the face of dementia. And we actively plan for your life after caregiving. 

Tell us about "Think Different" Dementia and how you're making a difference in the lives of family caregivers.
"Think Different" Dementia isn’t just a business—it’s a mission. Our approach is simple yet revolutionary: thinking differently about caregiving is the fastest way to ease the burden of dementia care. We take a holistic approach that addresses both the practical aspects (like Medicaid planning, using caregiver strength assessments like the Kolbe Index, and caregiver stress inventories) and the emotional and spiritual challenges of caregiving.

One of our standout initiatives is our commitment to a radically different method I call “therapeutic truth telling.” In a world where “therapeutic lying” has often been used to placate and redirect individuals living with dementia, I believe in honoring the truth. By validating the experiences of those with dementia without resorting to outright falsehoods, we provide a more respectful and compassionate way to communicate. Recently, a community member asked me about therapeutic lying, and I introduced her to therapeutic truth telling—a technique that has not only helped her connect more authentically with her loved one but also aligned with her biblical worldview.

Our caregiver process starts with a simple yet easily missed step: we create stability in your life by assessing your caregiver strengths and stress levels. Using tools like The Caregiver Burden Inventory and a simple “stoplight system” to monitor your stress, we empower caregivers to recognize when they need to take action. This proactive approach prevents the overwhelming moments when decisions must be made in a crisis. Instead, caregivers are equipped with an easy way to self identify that their stress is increasing, with practical solutions to guide them through solutions to reduce their particular stressors.

I remember a recent conversation with two incredible caregivers in our community after the recent loss of each of their mothers. They spoke candidly about how the world’s negative narrative about dementia and caregiving increased their stress, resulting in feelings of hopelessness and overwhelm. Their struggle was turned into relief when they finally found our community, a safe space for genuine problem-solving and this perfectly illustrates the power of our approach.

What is your message to family caregivers?
To all family caregivers out there: do not be afraid to take action early. The stigma surrounding dementia can lead us to hide our challenges, delaying crucial conversations like dementia care planning, end of life decisions and proactive decision-making to make this journey easier for you and your loved one. If you are an adult child facing resistance from a parent or a spouse burdened by the role reversal that often accompanies dementia, know that you are not alone. It’s essential to plan ahead and create a supportive environment where every decision is made with love and foresight. Even if your loved one doesn't want to plan and participate, it doesn’t mean that you can’t plan ahead and benefit from early intervention and guidance. Don’t wait too long.

Imagine being able to change the overwhelming stress of your caregiving journey into one of hope and proactive empowerment. That’s exactly what I encourage you to do. Engage with a community that understands your struggles, learn actionable strategies, and embrace a different mindset that turns challenges into opportunities for personal growth. Remember, thinking differently about caregiving is the fastest way to ease your burden and navigate dementia care. You matter, too.

Resources and Next Steps: Join the Caregiving Reformation
If you’re ready to reform your caregiving journey from chaos to calm, I invite you to take two crucial steps:

1. Listen to the Podcast:
   Visit thinkdifferentdementia.com/podcast to listen to the podcast “Dementia Caregiver Support for Christians. It’s a space where we dive deeper into real-life stories, share actionable strategies, and provide the support you need to navigate the dementia caregiving journey. Each episode features insightful discussions, inspiring dementia caregiver support sessions with questions just like yours, and practical tips that you can apply right away.
2. Join The Confident Caregiver Blueprint:
   I’m thrilled to announce the launch of The Confident Caregiver Blueprint, a live 6‑week program designed to help you plan your dementia caregiving journey with confidence. This one-time offer is available for just $97 and is limited to only 25 participants. This live cohort begins on March 18 and will take you through the step-by-step process of developing your own personalized dementia care plan. You will leave with your own “imperfect perfect” plan. Though most of my clients join for the faith-based approach, many do not. These members have joined because they value the positive culture of the community and value personalized support. If you’re interested in joining or have any questions, you can register here. Within 6 weeks, you can build your personalized dementia care plan with the help of a professional dementia care specialist, in a community of like-minded people, at an affordable rate.

In Conclusion
Dementia caregiving can be one of the most challenging journeys a person can face, but it doesn’t have to be a journey marked by despair and isolation. By thinking differently about caregiving—by embracing proactive planning, shifting your mindset, and joining a community of like-minded individuals—you can transform even the toughest moments into opportunities for growth, connection, and hope.

My own journey, from a “recovering” occupational therapist to a dedicated dementia care specialist, has taught me that the keys to success are in our hands. Whether it’s setting clear boundaries with loved ones, engaging in Medicaid (and other dementia care) planning before it’s too late, or simply finding a safe space where you can share your frustrations and transform them into real solutions, every step you take brings you closer to a more confident, empowered caregiving experience.

The many voices of caregivers in my community, just like Angela and Pam, remind me that even when our loved ones pass on, the lessons we learn, the support we give and receive during this time do result in a radically different outcome of a caregiver’s journey. Their honest reflections after their journey were completed underscored the urgent need for communities that do more than just listen: we need communities that empower.

So, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the challenges of dementia caregiving, I urge you to take action now. Listen to our podcast for more in-depth discussions, and consider joining The Confident Caregiver Blueprint to start planning your caregiving journey proactively. Together, we can rewrite the narrative of dementia caregiving—changing it from a path of despair and confusion to one of hope, clarity, and even moments of joy.

Remember: your caregiving journey is not just about managing challenges; it’s about creating a legacy of care, compassion, and confidence. Let’s think differently, plan ahead, and embrace a future where every caregiver finds the support and strategies needed to thrive.

For more resources, visit thinkdifferentdementia.com and subscribe to our podcast. If you’re ready to take the next step and join our live 6‑week program, click here to purchase. Together, we can reform the greater culture until every caregiver is empowered to face the future with confidence and hope.

Thank you for reading, and may your caregiving journey be filled with strength, clarity, and abundant hope.

PostScript 
Just a few days after Lizette submitted this article to us, her beloved mother passed away on February 27, 2025. In honor of her Mom, Madalein Gericke, Lizette has begun a Memorial Fund for a scholarship which will go to advance training in dementia care and will be administered through the South Carolina Occupational Therapy Association. 

If you would like to help Lizette with this scholarship fund, here’s the link: https://gofund.me/0d7d23a2